How Did I Ruin My Marriage?

 Great Question!

Welcome to year 32 of this train wreck! So, I told you about my mental health, well I have been self-sabotaging for the past seven months. I wanted out of my marriage. I wanted to have independence both for myself and my money. I felt like the husband was never allowing me to do what I wanted, with the money I made. I wanted to try to take care of myself, because I had never had that chance to, but the husband would not listen to what I was saying about how desperate I was to leave.

Now, I do NOT in anyway mean I wanted to leave my children. I am talking about having more independence as in taking care of myself. 

I knew, because he had said this before previously in our marriage that the only way we would ever split up is if I cheated on him, SO!!

You can probably guess what crazy pants, meds not working, desperate me did. You got it! I cheated on my husband. I am not proud of this choice I made. I do not recommend listening to any relationship advice I may give out in the future. 

I told him about what I did on our last fight which was, April 25th 2022. I know this because the next day changed my life. 

I know you are very invested in this story now and you are wondering how a day, just over one week ago changed my life.

Well if you want those answers you need to keep reading...

How the Story Began

 So my story begins like many others who form meaningful lustful relationships as teenagers. I was seventeen and had already graduated high school. I was infatuated with my brother's roommates best friend. He was 20 and very attractive in a nerdy kind of way. I was smitten. 

I became pregnant very quickly and we moved in together after just a few months of meeting. We did our best and he worked hard to support our little family, but life wasn't always good. 

I was suffering from a mental illness that I didn't know I had. My severe anxiety and depression made life quite miserable for both of us. There was so much anger and resentment, I don't know how we made it past the first three years, but we did. 

WE SHOULDN'T HAVE!

We had another child during this time. So two children and a relationship held together by hopes and dreams needs only one thing, MARRAIGE!

At 20 and 23 we decided to fix our relationship, we needed to get married, and we did.

We then struggled through work, school, and our relationship for many more years. We were at times lovers, roommates, single parents, but most importantly we were always best friends.

Fast forward 12 years of marriage. Here we are. 

My mental health has gotten better, but I have hard a hard five months and I have finally sabotaged my life enough that I ruined my marriage. 

And I guess this is where the story of how two people who love each other, but need time to work on themselves decided to co-parent. I have decided to sign a one year lease. 

Read more to find out how I ruined my marriage...